The three dates of Christmas. 3) The Worst Date Ever.

IMG_2234-0.JPGI’d looked at Andrew’s profile at 11.45pm one Sunday as a last minute peruse of match.com and he emailed me. I was tired and didn’t really want to chat but he seemed easy to talk to so we chatted for half an hour before I fell asleep. He seemed very well mannered, had a good job and from the clues he gave it paid well and he lived a comfortable life. I’m not one to choose a guy by his pay packet but talk of hypothetical five star hotels and such like made my ears prick up. Which girl doesn’t want to be treated every now and again. He was very insistent we go on a date so I said yes.

On the next Saturday evening we met outside a the same pub I went to with ‘Daz’, there are others in my town but this is a nice place with good food so why go anywhere else! As Andrew approached I wondered whether meeting up had been a mistake. He was short (5’8″), which hadn’t been a problem, but he was quite slender to go with it so I felt somewhat Amazonian next to him (I’d worn boots with a bit of a heel) and he definitely took a good photo because he looked much older than his years. He was wearing a waterproof, smart jeans and brogues, not in a cool way, very much in a ‘dad’ way.

Despite first impressions we went inside. I reminded myself to not judge a book by his cover and remembered that he seemed chatty and nice via text. He suggested I find a table whilst he got the drinks – I asked for a dry white, I got a medium white…a disappointment but nothing mega. He sat down, smiled and then the staring started. I don’t mean flirty eye contact, I’m good at that and can handle it, I mean full on ‘boring holes into my head’ staring. It was really creepy and I had no idea where to look! The conversation wasn’t any easier to bear. It was stilted with lots of awkward pauses and a few odd subjects (he’d just skinned a pheasant?!). He asked questions which I answered fully and with some anecdotes attached and after asking the same questions back, he answered with one or two words and then got back to the staring. I asked him about his job, a couple of words and an ‘I wouldn’t find it very interesting’. I asked about his son ‘he lives far away.’ I asked about his family…same short, closed answers. It was like pulling teeth and nothing like the easy flowing text conversation we’d had!

We had some food, which luckily took some time to eat and he ordered us another drink. I scanned the room in the long silences and he asked if I was a people watcher…he went to the toilet, came back and said “you’re still here then?” To which I awkwardly laughed as the thought of doing a runner had definitely crossed my mind.

Once we’d finished food and drinks he asked if I’d like another for the road to which I yawned and politely replied that I should probably head home as I’d had a long day. He tried a couple more times but then paid the bill and we left.

I was ready to escape when he said he’d had a lovely time. I gritted my teeth, smiled and said “yes, thank you for dinner” and then did the awkward hug thing with as little body contact as possible. As I pulled away he asked if I kiss on the first date to which I replied no (lies, as you’ve read) but then he pulled me in for another hug and I ended up with an awkward cheek kiss thing. Laughing awkwardly again I leapt free and sprinted down the road without as much as a glance back, my mind yelling “I’m free!” as I did.

Before getting home I received a message saying he was home and had had a lovely time. I replied that I wasn’t yet, but yes, thanks for dinner. I got home and my phone beeped again. It was Andrew asking if I’d like to do it again soon…I mean WHAT? REALLY??? I thought I had given all the signs that this was a bad date. I yawned, I people watched, I chatted to the waiter for as long as possible…apparently, to him this still meant I was interested! So, baffled and out if other ideas I turns to my friends on Facebook. What should I say? How should I let him down without being a bitch? My friends as always can be guaranteed for some good answers.

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So I text him the truth, apparently honesty is the best policy…thanks but there was no chemistry. I hoped that would be the end of an awful evening.

Beep beep…

He thought there was chemistry.
I explained not.
He wanted to ring me.
I said no.
He thought I should give him another opportunity to show his true colours.
I thought not.

Five messages later I blocked him from my phone and match.com and now I have this wonderful ‘Worst Date Ever’ story.

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