Picking up the pieces. 


When a boy broke my heart in college I remember my mum came and gave me big hugs whilst I cried myself to sleep.I was on summer holidays so I moped around feeling sorry for myself for a few days, talking to friends about what a knob he was and that there were plenty more fish and the sea and that he didn’t deserve me etc etc. 

15 years on and I’ve found it’s not exactly the same process.

I have to go to work each day and pretend to be fine. I have a daughter to look after, who I don’t want seeing me with tears running down my face or a sad face. I have a life to lead and luckily, in some ways, I have stuff to keep me busy so I don’t have time to dwell, but when the tears come it feels exactly the same. 

A boy has broken my heart. 

He hasn’t done it in the same way as any other. I don’t even think he meant to do it, but here I am sobbing with mascara down my face feeling like a 17 year old who still just wants a hug from her mum and for her to tell her everything will be ok. But really, being honest, deep down, I just want a hug from him telling me that everything will be ok. I even think he might need that type of hug too but we’re in a place where neither of us can communicate that to one another. 

New relationships, when you have to deal with real, grown up life around you, are much harder than the new relationships you have at 17. The worst you have to deal with is infidelity but what else should be expected from a hormonally challenged 19 year old boy I guess.  

When you’re 32 there’s baggage involved. There’s trust issues which you have waded through, there’s vulnerability issues but you let your guard down and there’s communication issues. There’s children who’d been introduced, there’s jobs to deal with, there’s family who were expecting to meet him, there’s friends you’d told everything about him, there’s history for both parties and it’s all bloody tricky to deal with. 

I understand this all, yet here I am with my heart broken at 32 and it feels absolutely no different to that heart break 15 years ago. 

13 Comments

  1. mummabennett

    February 5, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    My darling, what you must remember is you have your little girl & your friends & family. They are your everything. A little boy is nothing and especially if he’s hurt you.

    I had the same, I’m a single mum to three, the dad to my kids completely ruined me. But after 2 years I met someone, who wanted me but not the kids. It crushed me knowing that there are scum out there who try to ruin you.

    Someone will pop up one day without you knowing and knock you off your feet.
    IG: themummytothree

    1. theperfectjuggler

      February 5, 2017 at 3:23 pm

      Thank you lovely, Charlotte and him got on well which makes it more difficult I think. He’s been through a lot and just don’t think he could deal with a relationship on top which is sad but wrong place, wrong time I guess. I’m sure my heart will mend, it has done before. Hope you’ve found the person to knock you off your feet! xx

      1. mummabennett

        February 5, 2017 at 3:25 pm

        I haven’t found anyone, but at the same time, I’m not looking. We’ve moved house & school all within a month so thas our main focus at moment. It’s hard especially when Charlotte was involved too. *hugs* xx

        1. theperfectjuggler

          February 5, 2017 at 3:30 pm

          Wow, you’ve definitely been busy! I’m not anywhere near being ready to look again and changing jobs so definitely have enough in my plate for now. Xx

          1. mummabennett

            February 5, 2017 at 8:22 pm

            Bless you, hopefully 2017 is good for you. We’re not far from Warwick, I’m sure at some point once half term has ended, we could meet for a coffee nearby? Xx

          2. theperfectjuggler

            February 5, 2017 at 8:26 pm

            Sounds lovely, so you want to dm me on insta and we can arrange ☺ x

  2. lolly33

    February 5, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Aw, so sorry to hear that. Sometimes life sucks, x.

    1. theperfectjuggler

      February 6, 2017 at 7:50 am

      Thanks lovely, it does indeed sometimes suck. Here’s hoping not for too long though xx

      1. lolly33

        February 6, 2017 at 8:28 pm

        I don’t really have any words of wisdom except be kind to yourself. And don’t doubt for a second that you are utterly and totally worthy of the best that life can offer, x.

        1. theperfectjuggler

          February 6, 2017 at 8:59 pm

          They are full of wisdom, thank you xxx

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