Online Dating – a poem

(This is rated 15 and probably NSFW)


I’ve got a little poem,

For all the men on POF.

No, Matthew, we’ve only just started talking,

I won’t take my clothes off.

A few little notes for you men,

A number of hints and tips.

No, Steve I’m not going to tell you my bra size,

And no, you can’t see my tits.

The reason I joined a dating site,

Was to find my perfect man.

No, I’ve told you twice before

I definitely don’t want to see your dick Dan.

When I first signed up to POF,

I had such high high hopes

No, Jerry I really don’t want to divulge to you,

Whether I can or can’t deep throat.

I’d heard urban legends,

Of people who’d met their husband on Bumble.

No, Colin I won’t hop in your car,

For a snog and a quick fumble.

I’ve tried Tinder too god help me,

I’ve swiped left and sometimes right.

No, Harry I’ve only known you three hours,

I won’t be stopping the night.

I’ve been on many dates now,

If it was a numbers game I’d be head of the class.

No, for the last time Barry,

You can’t spank my ass.

All I’m really looking for I guess,

Is someone I can introduce to my mom.

No Alistair, I don’t want to be your sub,

And Andrew I don’t want to be your dom.

To be honest I just want someone to like me,

Because of my brain and brilliant wit.

No, for fuck sake James, for the last fucking time

I’m not going to show you my tit!

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