The only way is up..?

Well, these last two weeks have been the hardest in a very very long time. Every time I think I’m just about coping I get another kick and, to be honest (as I should be in my blog) my optimism and ‘Joie de Vivre’ which I pride myself on, is slowly sliding away. So far it has involved the ex contesting the divorce for no reason I can understand, a male ‘best friend’ managing to hurt me in so many different ways all at once, a flat tyre, a speeding ticket, work generally and a letter from work telling me they’ve over paid me nearly £400 and that they would be taking it out of my October pay (that’s nearly a third of my take home pay!) Just to top it all off I’ve gone off wine and can’t seem to bear drinking a drop. I know!! Nightmare!!

I won’t bore you with the details but I’m pretty sure I’m at one of my lowest points in a long time – my heart is severely battered, my anger is bubbling very close to the surface all the time and my bank account is empty – more than empty actually as I’m well and truly in my overdraft. I can only presume I was a mass murderer in a previous life and am now paying for my sins. I feel like a teenager but, unlike my 15 year old self, I can’t just crawl under the covers for a few days and cry my eyes out. I have a daughter, a dog, a job, a house and my sanity that needs to keep going and be looked after. I know I’ll recover, I am resilient and I know there must be some good days soon but I wish I could just press pause and get my shit together. I can’t let my daughter see me angry at her dad or crying because I am lonely and have been let down, so I need to breathe, adjust, pour a strong G&T and move on to the next challenge that will no doubt be facing me.

Someone warned me that the first year in a separation would be the worst but two weeks into the second year and I’m not sure I believe them yet. People also have been saying that all this crap must mean I’m due for something really good and I really want to believe this!! Win
the Lottery, a Knight in shining armour, a new job? Come on fate…I’m waiting!!

Single Parent Pessimist

  1. Alayna

    27/09/2014 at 9:14 pm

    Katie, it will only get better, hang in there. My mum always says that every disappoint is a blessing in disguise. You just need to look at your situation from a different prospective. Your blog is well written and entertaining, thanks for the invite.

    1. theperfectjuggler

      27/09/2014 at 9:17 pm

      That’s really kind, thanks Alayna. Glad you enjoyed reading it! I’m definitely trying to keep hold of my optimism tightly so it doesn’t wane anymore! X

  2. Big girls don’t cry… | theperfectjuggler

    19/10/2014 at 1:51 pm

    […] eyes were finally opened in my week of hell as I realised (whilst crying down the motorway after a visit to him) that friends don’t treat […]

  3. lookingforbluesky

    28/11/2014 at 9:01 am

    It does get better, but how long it takes is different for everyone: After 8 years, I’m completely indifferent to my ex now, and he can’t hurt me any longer x

  4. Claire Jacobs (@vampybear)

    29/11/2014 at 10:39 pm

    oh i think something is in the air at the moment, because I have had a pretty horrendous week too! From a poorly son, to car troubles, to me having a possible broken wrist and work deadlines argh!!
    Great to hear that you have the same desire to hibernate as me too!
    Thanks for linking to #singleparentlinky and hope to see you next time!

  5. Kat Pearce

    03/12/2014 at 7:07 am

    Oh my lovely, it’s tough and sh**ty. But also all the successes are now your own. It’s also worth remembering single people have periods when everything goes wrong too. That’s just life not your situation. Take care of yourself sweetie, have a soak with a G&T. You’re an amazing woman who can accomplish many things so give yourself a hug and some chocolate ☺ xxx

    1. theperfectjuggler

      03/12/2014 at 7:14 am

      What a lovely comment, thank you so much. This was a couple of months back and thankfully there have been a few good bits since then. Just have to learn to deal with the ups and downs I guess! Chocolate and G&T’s for everyone! (Although maybe a bit early!) xxx

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