The three dates of Christmas. 1) The boy next door.
Normally I wouldn’t say his name but it was Darren. This wouldn’t be a name I would choose but not something he could help I guess, however he insisted on signing off his emails as ‘Daz’. He didn’t look or act like a Daz which made it all the more odd.
He was my neighbour and recognised the picture of my dog I had on my profile. Not only was he a neighbour, but most evenings I went out, he would open the car park gate for me as my ‘blipper’ thing had broken and I didn’t have £60 to replace the bloody thing. I was very grateful for this as it meant I didn’t have to get out in the cold and wet and he was outside smoking anyway and I’d done the cursory smile and wave thing when I’d seen him other times but that was it.
Then an email pinged into my match.com inbox saying hi and that he would still open the gate for me if I said no, but would I like to go for a drink with him. I think I am too nice for my own good because I said yes.
As I couldn’t think of any ways to get out of it, the Saturday before Christmas saw me knocking on his door so we could walk into town to get some lunch. The seven minute walk to the pub gave him enough time to give me his entire life story including marriages, divorces, jobs, bitch ex’s and children with autism all in. The acronym TMI has never been more appropriate. I actually had to stop myself from sniggering as I walked up the road as I was in shock, why the hell was he telling me ALL this straight away?
The pub was nice, a mutual choice and the mulled wine was good but, although the conversation wasn’t awful it was by no means ‘zingy’ or ‘exciting’. There was one point where he asked what I did for fun and I replied “Fun? What’s that?” Normally I would have attempted to make something I do sound great but I just couldn’t be bothered. I then asked him the same question and he said he enjoyed watching “How It’s Made” on the Discovery Channel. I knew then and there (like I didn’t already) that this was not a match made in heaven.
So we walked home making small talk and I walked him to his door. There was an awkward moment where I wanted to run for the hills but to break the silence he asked if I was free that evening and did I want to come to his for food and a film. To which I wanted to reply…”WHAT??!! NO??!!” of course I politely declined saying I had a date with my PJ’s and Channing Tatum that evening, hugged him awkwardly and left.